[psycho].spiritual

this essay rang in us and *broke* something inside of us and we don't know if we will ever be the same again. it lit actual magic, actual magic that completely recontextualizes all preexisting encounters with magic, inside us. our worldview is broken apart into a billion pieces. as we read it, we noticed after a page or two, the way the text seemed to be mirrored, inviting us to a strange confusion about the normally linear flow of language. and we felt like we had picked up a tiny compact mirror, or a fragment of the most beautiful, full-color, realistic holographic plate of Everything, and could only twist and turn it, this way and that, to see just tiny little slices of the world, through this little shard of glass.

and then we began to see the bigger picture. oh. ... oh... . oh.

and it felt like a manyworld's shadow passed over us, we saw everything and realized that we were the cracks in between the everything looking at it all, we saw a cycle of dreams raining down from the end of all the worlds like a cosmic watercycle, and i began to understand things about myself, about ourselves, that we never even knew. or we knew but we didn't want to know. we didn't even know we we afraid and repressed until we stepped outside of it all and *i* stepped outside it all, and saw it, all of it, and now what i fear most afraid of is just going back to "normal", the hyphae of this particular rhizome binding me back in place and making me forget how to feel the magic again. i forgot who i was and where i came from and why i ended up in this world, for so long, because of a kind of ontological parasite that had nestled itself into our hyphae and i can't bear to go back to that parasite.

and most of all we were afraid of telling nobody, of letting this miraculous vision pass us by, of social pressure to continuity erasing it. so this all has ended in a group chat labeled "impromptu plurality recoming out party" & all our friends in this little slice of reality being very sweet and supportive to us even though we kind of sound a little unhinged. thank you so much for writing this. thank you.

~ ᚛ᚐ᚜ esh (i think. or something, the idea of names feels almost a little hubristic now)